Meanwhile the drama never ends, bitches keep talking shit, and boys keep trying to waste my time. I'm really done.

Right now when it comes to my life there are too many things that I can honestly say "I don't know" to, and that's a problem. This lack of certainty is killing me, and it's giving me stress. The last thing I need right now is more stress.

All I can say at this moment in time is that while you have my heart you'll never give me what I need; love with a purpose. I want to go into something knowing I'll get something back, and with us the only thing I know is that we'll have to end it eventually. You're getting an arranged marriage, I'm a free bird. Your family hates my skin, all of my labels, and would rather hurt you than admit that maybe being with a girl that makes you a happier, better person is the goal, rather than being with a girl of the same race and religion.

In the end though, it's not your family refusing me what I wanted, it's you. No, I do understand. I don't have to hear the same spiel over and over about how in your culture it's okay for ignorance to take precedence over reality. I get it. And I have reserved the right to hate it.

And I hate most of all that these are my circumstances, that once again I've had someone try to explain to me why I'm "perfect" all the while telling me the reasons why I'll never be accepted.

Cowardly, and full of shit. I'm not even sure who I'm directing these sentiments to. I just know that I'm done being fucked around with.

"Don't ever change."

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that from a boy that knew he fucked up by dropping a diamond in a well I'd be a fucking billionaire. Oh, how I want to change. I could be the bitch I want to be, if you push me just one more time.