I hate the lovey dovey bull shit phase they force upon everyone within a five block radius to suffer through.

I absolutely, positively fucking hate with a passion new couples.

Because they have no sense of dignity nor respect for anyone else. They're too enraptured with the possibility of steadily getting laid (man's perspective) or finding someone to marry (woman's perspective). It drives me insane! They're such disrespectful and inconsiderate fucks!

I know, I know. I'm not exactly single. But I have never caught myself subconsciously doing the same shit that most couples do. Half the time I'm absolutely unaffectionate in public, making people think it's okay to hit on my boyfriend and therefore winning them a one way ticket to Fist Resort.

I especially hate it when you're in a situation where you have to sleep in the same room with couples. They will NEVER fucking act right. I had a couple spend the night with me once and I told them straight up, if you wake me the fuck up with any of your bull shit couple nonsense, I will be pissed as hell. Their reply? "We would never disrespect you like that."

And what the fuck did I wake up to?? Kissing. Do you honestly think kissing is silent?? It's loud as hell and it's the last fucking thing I want to hear in MY damn bed. And yes, you know that I fucking interrupted. And did I get an apology? Fuck no. I mean after a day of literally ignoring everyone except each other I shouldn't have expected to be respected, even if they are close friends of mine.

Another time there were two hotel rooms, one for girls and one for guys. Well that plan fucking blew up, who the fuck knew? /sarcasm

I even asked the kid, "Look. Are you trying to sleep in my room because your girlfriend is there? That would be mad awkward." His reply? "Oh, no no I didn't plan to."

And where does this fucker sleep??? Take a wild guess, if you guess right you'll win a prize!

I need to hang around couples that have put some mother fucking time in. I like couples with CHARACTER and SELF IDENTITY. Ones that are pretty much tired of seeing each other so they don't get too wrapped up in their relationship! Obsession in ANY form is not cool, get lives!

Even when new couples argue I don't find it interesting, I find it obnoxious. They never argue over anything worth while, and they're so fucking quick to say "I love you" that it makes me NEVER want to say it to someone I'm dating because it sounds so fucking insincere even if it's true.

You do not love each other, you love the idea of moving up in social status by having a mate.

Your arguments are pointless, the solution? Shut the fuck up!

Arguments from couples with time in are the BEST because they are fucking hilarious, even if it is over stupid shit. It's when the sharpest of tongues are brought forth! Taking stabs at each others' character/actions/family/etc. over something ridiculous, how could you NOT find it amusing?

Couples with time in know so much about each other that the arguments are some of the wittiest I've seen, unlike with new couples where it's all about emotional manipulation.

I've decided - when it comes to new couples I'm going to start being blunt as hell. If you're getting on my nerves I will tell you to your face, exactly why you're pissing me off, and why you can both burn in hell for all the fake bull shit you spit out towards each other in the name of "Love."

And if I catch you fuckers making out and grabbing each others' crotches in PUBLIC I'm going to video record it, send it to both your parents, and then stab you each in the ear.

/breathes.

:) <3